We have all been there, you know how it feels to have your heart broken, trust shattered and dreams destroyed in an instant. One minute everything is fine and the next minute it feels like your free falling down a rocky cliff face.
Not too long ago, I met an older man online whom I believed was the one for me – established, charming, well-dressed, career focused and we shared a love for all of the same things in life. Only one major problem, it was all an illusion. The harsh reality was far worse than I could have ever imagined – master manipulator, mind games, emotionally abusive, smear campaigns, cheating, and lying.
For months after the break up, I wasn’t myself at all and felt like I had been turned upside down and inside out to say the least. I wanted to retreat from the world to make sense of what happened as I never received closure. My beautiful dog passed away at the same time which bought me to tears. However, I couldn’t cry or feel sad over the relationship instead I went into anger mode becoming stoic and simply wanting to be alone.
Everyone deals with heart break in a different way and I want to share with you the ways in which I have managed heartbreak, not always in this order however it is ideal to follow the steps in order and I will share with you the reasons why.
1. Allow Yourself To Heal
Quite often the first thing we want to do is take time to retreat from the world in order to process our emotions and understand the details of the event that occurred. If you skip this important step, you will take alot longer to heal as a result which impacts your physical and mental health in a negative way. Your body stores negative, unprocessed emotions therefore draining your energy, bringing with it negative emotions such as anger, sadness and being stoic and sullen.
The truth is we are unable to heal fully, if we do not feel our emotions. I learnt this important lesson after numbing my feelings for an extended period of time, unable to talk to anyone or process the emotions. I was so angry to the point I had never felt anger in my life, this was attributed to a lack of understanding of the situation at the time. I was unable to even cry so I simply numbed the pain, bottled up my emotions and put on my happy face for what seemed to be the longest time. I do not recommend this strategy for the above-mentioned reasons.
I would highly recommend the following methods for healing emotions especially if you are not into therapy: regular massages, shamanic healing, kinesiology, access bars, sound healing, and my personal favourite Advanced Breathwork.
2. It’s All About You
When you have taken the time to heal and process your emotions, you can then venture out into the world once again. Hopefully, by this time, feeling like yourself once more. I found it really useful to pour my heart and soul into new things, things that I felt passionate about.
When I went through this experience, I threw myself into my work and fitness which was a fabulous distraction and an exciting adventure. It helped me to focus on me and what was important to me rather than focusing on others and what I could do to make them happy.
This is when I started my online entrepreneurial clothing line Zillionaire Creations and had a absolute blast doing so. Learning new things, conducting research and being creative are all the things I love in life. All of my energy went on business and becoming stronger and fitter than ever before. By engaging in lot’s of physical activity, I managed to reach my goal weight and adopt a new healthier diet to increase my vitality. Exercise gives you endorphins and helps to release stress and any negative emotions which is why you are on a high after your workout.
3. Invest In Yourself
It is a great idea to start becoming more social by attending networking events, go out more with your friends, and spending quality time with family and pets. The more time you spend with others, the less likely you are to think about the break up and the more energised you will become. As time goes by, the time spent thinking about the break up lessens and the more you fit into your schedule, the more quickly this will happen.
Now is an opportune time to assess what habits aren’t serving you anymore and to create positive change by focusing on one important habit at a time that will significantly change your life in a positive manner. Look at all areas of your life – family and friends, relationships, fun and recreation, physical environment, business / career, finances and health. What score would you give those areas of life? How fulfilled are you in each of those areas?
Whilst I did not believe I could acquire more strength than I already had as I come from a family of exceptionally strong women, this experience did provide me with even more strength than I thought possible. I spent alot of quality time with my family and pets during this time, changed outdated habits that were no longer serving me and took the opportunity to re-evaluate my entire life by setting new goals, attending courses and networking events to help me achieve my vision.
4. Soothe Your Soul
Remember, you are number one in your life, your greatest asset and best friend so start treating yourself like it.
You could start by doing some home decorating, buying yourself some flowers, treating yourself to a day spa package or simply going away for the weekend or a week to gain a new perspective.
Not long after the break up, I travelled to Singapore for the first time and had the most amazing time. Met the most beautiful people and explored the sights of Singapore. Memories I will treasure forever, travelling can do wonderful things for the soul.
By following these 4 steps, I do hope that you will overcome heartbreak much faster than doing so on your own.
The truth of the matter is that there is no love in an illusion therefore there is no loss. Simply take the lessons learnt and an accelerated period of growth for what is was, the greatest blessing and run towards a brighter future.